The One About Friends

In memory of Matthew Perry a.k.a. Chandler Bing

I have to admit I wasn’t gung ho about the Friends TV series when it first premiered in the mid-1990s.

This was the period when I rarely watched any TV.

I remember the younger set lapped it up though.

Three decades later, thanks to my son’s persistence and Netflix, I finally got down to watching the series.

The theme song by The Rembrandts was always catchy. The quirky episode titles. And it is witty.

Lately, I have been reminded by the media about Perry’s personal issues, much like any one of us.

But when you’re famous, the spotlight can be especially harsh and glaring.

And just like when it seemed he had his life back on track, it ended abruptly.

I can testify to this.

In my life, I've had two distinct groups of friends. The first are my childhood friends, many of whom I'm still in contact with to this day.

The second group of friends entered my life when I moved away from home. They include peers, older individuals, and entire families. Over the years, they've become like a second family to me.

In some ways, this second set of friends know me even better than my own biological family. And some of the best years of my life were with them.

I’ve lost friends from both camps too for different reasons.

Some younger, some older, and some - the children of those friends.

Losing someone is never easy.

It’s harder when some of those are the young ones.

I still have thoughts like, “what if”, “if only”, “why?” that come and go like uninvited guests all the time.

Because those whom I’ve lost are dear and close, these thoughts will never go away completely.

Like Matthew a.k.a. Chandler, there will never be the perfect answer for those who mourn.

A long time ago, one of my closest friends introduced me to William Wordsworth. 

One of his most endearing poems goes in part like this:

Perhaps that is all that anyone of us can do in similar circumstances - finding strength in what remains behind.

In my own experience, I've learned time and again that it's crucial to persevere, stay connected, support one another, and allow your friends to do the same for you.

It’s not easy.

Over the years, I have seen a few of my best friends slip away, for various reasons. They had their demons too.

Some of us manage to overcome ours. Others, not so.

Most importantly - it’s a reminder not to give up on them, or get sidetracked by trivialities. I’m learning that busyness or fatigue isn’t worth it to let friendships drift away.

One of my favorite authors, C.S. Lewis in his book “The Four Loves” distinguishes friendship love from other forms of love explicitly.

He characterizes friendship as "the least biological, organic, instinctive, gregarious, and necessary... the least natural of loves".

Maybe that’s why friendship means so much.

To never ever take our friendships for granted.

Recommended Reading:

Rest in peace, Matthew Perry a.k.a. Chandler Bing

Sometimes the line between reality and make-believe gets blurred.

Anyone who has watched the series will recognize that this quote attributed to Chandler is classic Perry, reading from his own words in his autobiography.

For all my friends, those still here and not anymore, thank you for the love you showed, especially when I needed it most.

"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you." - Elbert Hubbard

Till next time.

Jude

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