Nurturing Relationships

The lyrics of Simon & Garfunkel's 1965 hit paint a picture of a person who has built walls around himself, isolating himself emotionally and physically. The metaphor of becoming a rock or an island suggests the writer is afraid of being hurt and is no longer interested in forming any kind of relationships anymore.

On the contrary, Carl Jung, whose work has had a significant impact on modern psychology, highlights the importance of relationships in our lives. He believed that our shared experiences create a collective consciousness that gives meaning to the world. Relationships influence our happiness, well-being, and sense of fulfilment.

For some time in my earlier days, I too solidified into a rock. I became an island. The self imposed isolation lasted 8 years, after a couple of failed relationships. But as I approached my mid 30’s I was increasingly restless. I couldn’t pin point the reason but everything seemed meaningless. Eventually, I discovered that it was loneliness. It was companionship that I was looking for. The isolation came to an end. I found and married my better half. Jung was right. I was not meant to be alone.

Short term relationships are just that - they are temporary, they come and go. But the relationships that matter the most - family, spouse, children, close friends, and those who form the inner circle - nurturing these long term relationships takes a heck of an effort, plenty of time, and some darn good communication.

Case in point:

Any Tom, Dick or Harry who has been in half a relationship of any kind can attest to the above situation.

Fact: Relationships can cause emotional wounds. Hurt is an inevitable outcome of engaging in relationships. When I hurt, I recoil, I crawl back under my shell, until I feel it’s safe to come back out again. There is no one who has not hurt nor been unhurt.

Henri Nouwen puts its best:

"Nobody escapes being wounded. We are all wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not 'How can we hide our wounds?' so we don't have to be embarrassed but 'How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?' When our wounds cease to be a source of shame and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers."

Only the wounded know the pain, and so understand the pain of others, and by reaching out heal both themselves and those they reach out to.

History is full of examples - like the psychiatrist Viktor Frankl who drew upon his experiences in the Nazi death camps to formulate his logotherapy - the pursuit of the meaning of one’s life, and Bill Wilson, the cofounder of Alcoholics Anonymous, prompted by his own addiction to build an organization that now helps addicts worldwide.

Undoubtedly, relationships can be challenging and conflicted, but they are essential for a fulfilling life:

• In families, finding a balance between personal autonomy and family bonding is vital.

• At our workplaces, fostering a conducive work environment is crucial for productivity and fulfillment.

• In society, relationships contribute to the creation of a strong and supportive community.

This is why it is imperative to prioritize the nurturing of relationships at every level. By actively listening to one another, validating emotions, and practicing effective communication, we can create a safe space for healing to occur. Sharing our own experiences of healing can inspire family members to embark on their own journeys of self-discovery and growth.

Check out this week’s resources below. The free report is especially relevant for parents with teenage children. In the words of Dr Frances Jensen, neurologist and expert on brain development:

Final Thoughts - Healing Within the Family:

Family units are often a breeding ground for wounds, tensions, and conflicts. There is no quick fix and mere wishful thinking is of little help. However, as wounded healers, we can foster healing within our families by offering understanding, forgiveness, and support.

And remember,

Till next time,

Jude