4 Weddings & A Funeral

Actually, it's not really been 4 weddings but 5 funerals over the last 6 weeks (so far 🫢).

That's about 1 funeral a week.

A bit of overkill maybe but that’s life.

A couple of those who died were friends; another was the only son of a close friend. One was a much-loved elderly uncle, another an ex-colleague whom I had not met in decades. And just yesterday - the passing of my grand uncle in India at the ripe old age of 96.

And there's still my nephew's wedding to come at the end of the month that I’ve put on the back burner for a while.

It’s been a case of juggling conflicting emotions within a short space of time - shaken and stirred. I am still processing those moments.

Yet in the midst of all these few ups and many downs, this verse from the Bible provides some reassurance:

At wakes and funerals, somehow, you are always faced with the inevitable questions, as usual:

“Was he ill?”

“Did he have a heart attack?”

“Man! I just spoke to him last week…”

“Cancer got her in the end”

“He had just ticked off one of the items on his bucket list”

The usual questions. All of us trying to make sense of death. All trying to find some comfort and closure.

Maybe the story of the Dash on the tombstone can shed some light:

On every tombstone, there is the Date of Birth and the Date of Death.

In between there is a Dash.

This tiny dash represents the time a person spends alive and kicking on earth.

Everything that happens in one's life takes place within that allotted time, however short or long that may be.

Some 20-odd years ago I used to tell anyone who would listen that if there was only one book they read in their lives, it should be “Tuesdays with Morrie”, by Mitch Albom.

It is a heartwarming story about the author's relationship with his former college professor, Morrie Schwartz, who is battling ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis).

The book explores the lessons and wisdom imparted by Morrie during their weekly meetings on Tuesdays, as he faces his own mortality.

It delves into various themes such as love, forgiveness, life's purpose, and the importance of relationships.

I fell back on it for some much-needed wisdom on life, living, and dying:

• “Life is a series of pulls back and forth. You want to do one thing, but you are bound to do something else. Something hurts you, yet you know it shouldn’t.”

• “You take certain things for granted, even when you know you should never take anything for granted.”

• “A tension of opposites, like a pull on a rubber band. And most of us live somewhere in the middle.“

And this dialogue:

“Sounds like a wrestling match,” I say.

“A wrestling match.” He laughs.

“Yes, you could describe life that way.”

“So which side wins, I ask?”

“Which side wins?”

He smiles at me, the crinkled eyes, the crooked teeth.

“Love wins. Love always wins.”

“At the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right? And at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive right? But here's the secret: in between, we need others as well."

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in. Love is the only rational act.”

I stood outside the church at one of the funerals and wondered.

The person who I am bidding farewell to today would probably have been baptized as an infant in a church like this somewhere a long time ago.

The presence of family, relatives, and friends would have added to the merriment.

Today, those who welcomed her as a child were most probably not around anymore. Others would have taken their place, this time to send her off, in sorrow, and mourning.

In between, there would have been The Dash.

The Dash Poem by Linda Ellis

I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend.

He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning to the end.

He noted first came the date of the birth and spoke the following date with tears.

But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between the years.

For that dash represents all the time that they spent life on Earth.

And now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.

For it matters not how much we own, the cars, the house, the cash.

What matters is how we live and love, and how we spend our dash.

So, think about this long and hard. Are there things you’d like to change?

For you never know how much time is left that can still be rearranged.

If we could just slow down enough to consider what’s true and real,

and always try to understand the way other people feel.

Be less quick to anger and show appreciation more,

and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before.

If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile,

remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.

So, when your eulogy is being read with your life’s actions to rehash,

would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?

Recommended Resource:

My Farewelling - is a good site on funeral planning, grief and loss, checklists, supportive stories, and other relevant information, even for the uninitiated.

To Wrap Up

The question now swings to you and me, as to the departed soul:

• “How are you and I living our ‘Dash’?”, and

• “What is it that fills the moments of time from the beginning of your life to the end?”

Most importantly, I like to think that we are all just walking each other home.

Till next time,

Jude